September 27, 2014:  This will be the last entry I make on this blog for Nanette.  When we first started this blog, we were trying to decide what to name it.  Her brother Robert and cousin Belle and I were talking with Melissa Smith who had volunteered to manage the blog and we needed to give it a name.  We finally decided to name it “Nanette’s Miracle.”  At the time we all believed there would be a miracle and Nanette would be able to win the battle ahead and live to be 100 years old.  In the absence of that specific miracle, there were hundreds of other ones that she experienced in the last year.  One day I will write them down for her family and friends to read.  In lieu of that list today, I will write this one last blog entry.

After the doctors realized that the second round of a different chemo was not working, they decided to try a third which they knew to be less effective.  Nanette thought it was the “Hail Mary” of the treatments.  When she lost strength in her left side, could no longer stand on her own, and had increased headaches, Nanette made the decision to discontinue the ineffective chemo pills and Avastin infusions and start on Hospice.  On Wednesday, September 17 she had her first Hospice visit.   She continued to welcome visits and phone calls and loved all the friends and family who came.  She was still talking on Tuesday, September 23 but said very little the following day which was Wednesday.  She was not in any severe pain and Sergio made every effort to keep her comfortable.  He played her favorite music throughout the day and that seemed to keep her calm.  Thursday morningshe was quiet and sleeping.  At 12:25 pm she passed away.  Sergio was holding her in his arms and Jared was at her side holding her hand.  Sergio’s parents, his brother Jose and sister Rosie and I were all in the room.   A friend Amy Bohman who worked at the girls’ school immediately brought them home and Tyler was already on his way from BYU and Nanette’s dad arrived shortly thereafter. 

The day before she died which was September 24, we were all talking about that date because we thought it was the 10^thanniversary of Kaylen, her oldest daughter’s death.  However, shortly before Nanette died the next day, Sergio and I were looking at a picture of Nanette a year ago at Kaylen’s gravesite and looked at the inscription on the headstone and the date was September 25, 2004.  We had been mistaken about the date so it was on the 10^th anniversary of Kaylen’s passing that Nanette passed away.  We know that if Nanette had still been speaking, she would have corrected us right away because she never forgot a name or date.  We don’t think it was a coincidence.

One of the highlights of Nanette’s last few weeks was her son Nick who is serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Ecuador came home for a four-day visit.  Her brother Tony and his family came from California to visit at the same time.  Peter Ventura, a neighbor and good friend, took pictures of our family and Nanette was able to have her entire family surround her for several days.

Nanette never lost hope or determination, and never gave in to despair.   She was cheerful and uncomplaining the entire time.   Sergio and her children were her whole world and yet she made room to include friends and extended family into her heart and life.  She was a loyal friend, a good neighbor, and a champion for the underdog or lonely.  Her one wish was to not lose the ability to communicate with all of us and she did so until the last day of her life.

All of you who have followed this blog and written, visited, and loved her made her life better.  Not one thing anyone ever did for her went unnoticed or unappreciated.  She made what amends she needed to, she expressed her thanks and love to everyone she could, and she was at peace with her life.  She did not want to leave but she was not afraid.  Christ said, “Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid.”  Her testimony of Jesus Christ and His plan for her and for us sustained her through every day.  Her courage and strength sustained us in this journey.  She knew where she was going and knew she would be with her family again in eternity.

Elder Russel M. Nelson, an Apostle in our Church, said the following: “Separation evokes pains of sorrow and shock among those left behind.  The hurt is real.   The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.  In the Doctrine and Covenants 42:45 it says, “Thou shalt live together in love insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.”  And we weep for the loss of Nanette.

Elder Nelson gave this advice to those of us left behind.  “Take time to bless others, to be kinder, more compassionate, quicker to thank and slower to scold, more generous in sharing and more gracious in caring.”  Nanette would have given the same advice.

This will be the last blog entry but never our last thought of Nanette.  She will live in our hearts and lives forever and ever.  I hope we can cherish each moment in our lives as a blessing from God.  I know Nanette did.

September 9, 2014:  Nanette's health has changed very quickly in the last two weeks.  She was losing strength in the left side of her body and finding it difficult to stand and walk.  On Monday, September 1 she was weak and she had a bad headache.  Sergio took her to the University of Utah hospital and they immediately did an MRI.  They reported the results to her oncologist at Huntsman and they determined that the new chemo treatment was not working.  The tumor has continued to grow and had, in fact, herniated, causing more swelling in the brain.  Again, surgery and radiation are not options at this point.  She was transferred to Huntsman Cancer Center and then was released to come home the next day.  The plan now is to once again change the chemo pill to a third choice in hopes of stalling the growth and swelling.  She will continue with the Avastin infusions every other week and had one yesterday at Daybreak Huntsman facility.  Two weeks ago she was walking in to the center for her infusion and yesterday she could not walk or stand.  She is confined to a wheelchair and very limited use of a walker.  However, she is alert and visiting with friends and family and receiving telephone calls, which she loves.

We have received help in hundreds of ways and her days are filled with visits from many friends and family.  Sergio's brother Jose and his wife Debbie came immediately and are a tremendous help.  I have moved back to Nanette and Sergio's home and will stay indefinitely.  Nanette's father has come from California and her brother Tony and wife and kids arrived yesterday, and her brother Robert is close by.  Jared and Shayla have been a constant presence and help, Tyler and his girlfriend Veronica come from Provo as often as possible and the twins never leave Nanette's presence  except to go to school (with great reluctance).  Sergio's family are in contact with us every day and ready to come from California at a moment's notice.  Nanette and Sergio's Ward and Stake have "stepped back up to the plate" again and everyone is doing everything they can to help and comfort and love them.  We have had meals brought in, flowers, cards, telephone calls and many visits.  They have all contributed to keeping Nanette's spirits up.  She is still concerned about other people and events in their lives, trying to stay connected and involved.  She has remained cheerful and grateful for every day.  Her faith is evident in all her conversations and actions and "despair" is not a part of her life.  Her love for her family and friends is at the core of her being.  All of your love and attention, prayers, and concern for her has never gone unappreciated or unrecognized.  

Elder David S. Baxter said "The smallest acts of kindness can make a world of difference in our lives.  They can dispel darkness with a bright flame.  I am convinced that in each of our lives are friends, neighbors and Church leaders who genuinely care for us and want to brighten our lives; we just have to let them."  

Thank you all for brightening Nanette's life. 

A rain storm of sorts

August 8, 2014: Sometimes you are gliding along and find yourself in the rain.  Nanette was gliding along fairly well but she’s encountered a rain storm of sorts.  She went for her regularly scheduled MRI last week and the doctors informed her that her brain tumor has started to grow again.  At the time of diagnosis, the tumor was 6 cm and was located in the right temporal lobe.  Over the next several months, with surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, the tumor was reduced to about 3 cm and was stable, not showing signs of extension.  The most recent MRI shows that from May-July, the posterior margin of the tumor has extended into the hippocampus an additional 3 cm, forming a “peanut-shaped tumor.” The area of new tumor growth is not amenable to surgery due to the critical functions of that area of the brain.  Radiation also is not a real option, because more time is required before retreating the brain with radiation. As the tumor has shown new growth, a change in treatment is required. Nanette will continue her Avastin infusions every two weeks.   However, the Temodar (oral pills) will be discontinued.  She will start treatment with CCNU as a single oral dose every six weeks.  It is expected that she will have more side-effects to the CCNU than she did with Temodar.

We have all been discouraged a little bit that there is new growth but know that we need determination to never allow our energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by that discouragement.  Nanette had a short moment of discouragement herself with the rest of us but she quickly returned to her positive attitude and hopeful outlook.  She has had visits from her brother Tony and wife Cristie and family from California and a surprise visit from Sergio’s parents and two sisters Rosie and Gloria from California.  She was able to enjoy their company and love and support. 

I read this quote the other day and include it here along with this news about Nanette.  “Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot corrode faith, it cannot eat away peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot shut out memories, it cannot quench the spirit and it cannot silence courage or reduce eternal life.” Nanette’s courage has not been silenced and she is so grateful for your friendships, love and concern.

June 19, 2014:  Nanette continues with her chemo pill regimen and having very little side effects.  She is having pain in her shoulders and arms and numbness in her fingers.  An MRI indicated that she has torn rotator cuffs in both her right and left shoulders.  Unfortunately, the tears will not heal while she is on the Avastin treatments (she gets infusions every two weeks).  She has been having physical therapy which helps somewhat.  Some days she is in quite a bit of pain and other days, the pain is tolerable but unwelcome.  She had an Avastin infusion on Monday (June 16) and now they will discontinue treatments until after her next MRI which is in about six weeks.  They are hoping that stopping the Avastin infusions will enable healing to the rotator cuffs.  Surgery at this time is not an option, at least until after the next brain MRI and the oncologist can determine if stopping the infusions has an adverse effect on the tumor.  It is a roller coaster ride as they try to solve several problems at the same time.  She remains optimistic and hopeful.  Nanette, Regan and Riley and I went for a short week to visit her brother Tony and family in California.  The weather was beautiful and she enjoyed the time spent with her brother, his wife Cristie and their four children.  Tony took us out to dinner one night to a wonderful restaurant and the waitress asked if we were celebrating anything and Nanette said, “Yes, I am here.”  We explained that she is fighting cancer (as so many others are) and we were all just grateful that we could be together for a lovely evening.  When they brought her dessert, they had decorated the plate, brought two desserts for her, and didn’t charge us.  People are very thoughtful and kind in this world of ours.  Even small things make us grateful for each other

Each expression of friendship or love may be the one that makes all the difference.”

May 27, 2014:  It has been awhile since we posted an update on Nanette’s health concerns.  Every two weeks she has had an Avastin infusion at Huntsman Center in Day Break and she has continued with the chemo pill regimen of 5 days of pills and 23 days rest.  She has almost completed five cycles of this and after her next MRI, they will revisit this procedure to see if they want to continue for another 6 cycles (which would be another six months).  She has tolerated the chemo regimen with few side effects so they will take that in to consideration at her next visit with the oncologist.  She had her two-month MRI and her appointment with Dr. Colman, the oncologist, this morning.  It was good news once again.  The tumor shows no signs of growth and may have shrunk a very small bit more.  This was wonderful news for Nanette and Sergio and, of course, for all of us who have been praying and hoping for good results.  She is having a problem with pain in her right shoulder, down her arm and numbness in two of her fingers on her right hand.  Dr. Colman does not believe this is cancer related but is concerned for her pain and discomfort.  She will have an MRI to determine what the cause is and how to solve the problem.  The Avastin infusions may be hindering any healing that needs to happen but this problem will hopefully be resolved in the near future.  Many of you have called and inquired about her health and progress.  Your continued concern and interest is appreciated.  The updates to this blog have not been as frequent since she has been routinely fighting the tumor and there was nothing new to report until this last MRI.  And fortunately, it was good news once again.  This is a long battle and we will update when appropriate.   In a book I recently read was this quote by a woman battling cancer and it mirrors Nanette’s feelings well.  “We all owe everyone for everything that happens in our lives.  But it’s not owing like a debt to one person—it’s really that we owe everyone for everything.  Our whole lives can change in an instant—so each person who keeps that from happening, no matter how small a role they play, is also responsible for all of it. Just by giving friendship and love, you keep the people around you from giving up—and each expression of friendship or love may be the one that makes all the difference.”  Please know that your prayers, calls, visits, acts of kindness and love have made a difference in her life. 

April 7, 2014:  Last week Nanette had her MRI (will be done about every two months now).  She had another really good report.  The tumor has possibly shrunk about 5-10 percent more and does not appear to be growing or active.  This was very good news for her and for all of us.  We all "hold our breath" a bit when it is time to look again at the tumor.  We pray and hope for good news but when you actually hear it, we all relax and breathe a little easier.  Her platelets were again low and they decided to drop her chemo pill dosage a bit to see if they would come back up, which seems to be the normal cycle for her.  Today she had another Avastin infusion and her platelets were up again in an acceptable range.  Her infusion went well.  Dr. Colman is planning on continuing with the Avastin infusions for several more months.  She is tolerating the treatment well and so they plan to continue for awhile longer.  She will continue with the chemo pill regimen.  The doctors did tell Nanette that she is "quite unique".  We don't know if they are referring to her progress, her tolerance of treatment, or the whole experience.  We agree that she is quite unique but we think it is her positive attitude and demeanor and, most of all, her faith and gratitude to the Lord for her life.  Yesterday, we all watched the LDS General Conference semi-annual broadcast.  President Uchtdorf talked about beng grateful.  He said there is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, even joyful, and that is to be grateful.  He said it is easy to be grateful for things when life is going our way but we need to be thankful in our circumstances whatever they may be.  When we are grateful to God in our circumstances it is an act of faith in God and we can experience a gentle peace.  We know Nanette has great faith and gratitude.  We are thankful for your continued faith and prayers as we continue down the road with her.  Please know how much she loves all of you who are with her in your thoughts, prayers, and concerns.   

March 20, 2014:  Another Avastin infusion for Nanette and all went well.  Her lab report showed her platelets were up and in an acceptable range so they proceeded with the infusion.  The procedure went quickly and we were in and out of Huntsman in two hours.  She finished her chemo pill regimen and has a break now until the next one.  She is a bit frustrated because she tires easily but she is sleeping a little better at night.  Spring break in Tooele this week and she can enjoy a week with her family and friends. We cannot control the timing of the challenges that come into our lives and subsequently we cannot control the timing of when we will be delivered from these challenges or even if we will be delivered from them during this mortal life.  But the Lord puts others in our way who can run alongside us so we can finish the race and overcome the challenges and endure to the end.  Thanks to all of you who continue to show your love and concern for Nanette and her family and "run alongside her".